Thursday, July 17, 2014

a body


My body is a physical vessel, a vessel that society demands must be clothed, but only in clothing that society deems appropriate and acceptable.

Women must look classy in the streets, so that when men or women objectify them it’s not their fault. Otherwise, when men or women objectify them, it is because they are asking for it. It is because society says watching porn is normal, and that everybody does it… It is acceptable as long as you don’t bring that into real life. Don’t look like a porn star outside of the bedroom, because that is socially unacceptable.

But what happens when the man brings it outside of the bedroom and objectifies the woman, anyway? What happens when the woman takes those expectations and those labels she learned from private and intimate settings and labels another girl as a “slut” for wearing ripped stockings or a crop top? 

People are made to judge and categorize everything they see based on the relatable facts and information that they have. Men cannot control their sexual nature, as it is hard wired in their brain, and judge what they see sexually. They are forgiven and rules are made around them, rules they never broke because they weren’t put there in the first place for them. We are taught to be cautious of what we do and who is around us by placing labels on people. This is good in a sense, but the focus is always on the physical appearance, and instead of it being used to identify a potentially bad or dangerous person, it is used to identify someone you just wouldn’t choose to socialize with or someone you choose to look down on. 

If what I am wearing is making you uncomfortable, evaluate what your idea of sexuality is and why I am making you feel this way. What have you learned? That what makes you aroused and what satisfies you in the bedroom is what you keep inside of your head all day, everyday, and every time it comes up in your life, your sexuality is triggered or threatened. Suddenly, you can’t even see a woman wearing short sorts in a laundry mat because that’s how that one porn started, or you can’t see a woman getting drunk with her girl friend because you can’t help but get aroused by the thought of it. Porn and sexual exploitation are all about power and control, about the ego, superficial and archaic. Generally, a man wants a woman that will degrade herself for him because she wants to and she likes it, because it pleases him, she wants to give him that control. In the worst cases, men watch hardcore porn where the women don’t want it, and they watch it for the same reasons. In the “fantasy world” of porn, men can have any woman he wants and she will always give herself to him or learn to like what is happening no matter what she does. That is the typical male fantasy, that their dick is so majestic that no one could ever not want it, as if demeaning a woman by making her give herself away to him is the only way she can show her affection and care for that man.

So, most men go out into the world thinking that all women are fair game and he is somehow entitled to at least try or attempt a connection with any of them. They pick their targets and they do it based on the outside appearance, who triggers that sexual fantasy for them in their head. Women can’t just wear clothes that they like and be girls without giving someone an erection, and most girls are just trying to fit in to that standard and that norm of being acceptable. Here’s how it is: I wear the clothes that I like to wear. I wear the clothes that I am drawn to, that I think are beautiful, that I feel good in. I wear the clothes for myself and nobody else. I am not asking for your attention, for your comments, for your questions, for your judgements, or for your assumptions. I am wearing what pleases me, regardless of whether it pleases you or not. It is not an invitation for you to talk to me, or for you to even look at me. If you think I am wrong, or that I am somehow using this issue to cover up my insecurities and attention-seeking wardrobe, you are part of the problem. 

The truth is, society is constantly feeding these ideas to us, so how do we fix it? What we can do is change society’s definition of normal and healthy sexual behaviour. If porn is acceptable, men’s current behaviour will be understood and even expected. Porn is acceptable because it’s private and personal, yet porn is still something you actively participate in by watching and something that alters your brain chemistry. Patterns are learned, behaviours develop, triggers are made. It doesn’t remain in the bedroom. We need to start actively creating that separation and not carry it with us when we interact with the opposite (or same) sex. We need to actively think of other’s as beings separate from our needs, wants, definitions and expectations, and not place our standards upon them. No one owes another person an explanation or the right to be apart of their lives. No one owes another person the validation for why they do the things they do that might offend you, especially when their intention was never to offend. You are not entitled to any one else’s being.