Friday, April 25, 2014

a consciousness

I am not a preacher. I will not push my beliefs onto you, or tell you that my way of life is better or that I have the answers you seek. There are many ways to attain answers, and only one way that will work for you and not any one else. No one can be wrong and no one can be right when it comes to self enlightenment or how we reach our epiphanies. I believe in anything that awakens a spirit and intrigues a mind.

There are things that I fear. Things that remind me of what is really important. Why do I fear them? What is it about the nourishment of my awareness that frightens me? Is it the depth, the further letting go of my humanity, fearing that embracing all as one will lose a part of me somehow?
Why do we fear what will enhance our being, what will benefit our growth? Why do we fear change, no matter how positive or enlightening?

Sometimes I feel I am not ready, perhaps not worthy, as though I have to give something up, something I feel is important to me.... Something I feel I have to be prepared to lose, that I don't feel ready to lose. My humanity.

What makes us human?

Why are we beings built for survival and logic, yet capable of conveying complex, contradictory, illogical emotions... Emotions that torment and torture the very beings we are meant to protect and let thrive - Ourselves. Why do we feel emotion, why is there that central area where most emotion is considered to be held - The heart, the soul. If our brains are the command center, and they know that anatomically and physically emotions are simply an affect of chemical reactions in the body, then how can it lead us to believe in anything else? How are we capable of abstract and contradictory thought, thoughts that break us down and question our very existence? How are able to think outside of ourselves and ask questions unanswerable in our current forms?

How can we elaborate this idea of a soul when we could never explain it?

Our soul, our consciousness... It has still yet to be explained, or identified or distinguished. We know it's there and we know it's what makes us human, but none can answer why.

What makes us human?

It is a question that has been asked by scientists, philosophers,  physicists or any one being with the capability of self-awareness. Though it cannot be answered generically, we all seem to be able to have some sort of ability to determine if something seems human to us when asked directly. That being said, because there is no current factual evidence or universal definitions, humanity is, as of now, a matter of opinion.

We deem what we feel seems human to us, and we all give human characteristics or make human connections to beings we've defined as animals, and also to inanimate things.  There is a starving for human connection there.
Most people break "human" down to empathy, conscious thought and self-awareness, and a mostly organic structure. If I slowly make the conscious decision to start replacing my organic parts with robotic ones, would I still be human in the end? Is there something else inside of us that, though cannot be re-created or duplicated, can also never be lost? That third eye, the soul that connects us to every living thing.

It cannot be explained or discovered because giving it those physical characteristics would make it something controllable, attainable or lost. It cannot be bound or unbound and it can never be severed.  Consciousness is eternal and it goes through all of us without a start or an end, and our soul is us tapping into that internal force, our personal connection to it.
Consciousness makes us care for each other, it provides the hunger for connection and dread of loneliness. It also makes us look out for ourselves and tells us what we need to do for ourselves in order to grow, it makes us selfish because in the end we would have had to have been in order to reach the state of wanting to be one with all... We can't contribute to that universal hum if we are broken or unaware. Consciousness makes us who we need to be to reach that universal goal: to make us all one. It binds us all in that timeless and infinite cycle.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

of oneness

Truly, the highest form of bliss is the nature of ignorance. It seems the more knowledge I acquire and wisdom I expel, the more aware and conscious I become, the more maddening it all seems. Some days fill me with such longing, to share, to expand, to grow... To settle the score with myself and ground and center, digging my roots deep into the ground and stretching my arms throughout the universe until I come full circle and consume the entire earth. To become one with everything, to fall into myself and extract all of my flaws, plucking and picking and throwing them all away, blowing them away for the wind to dispose of. It storms and it thrashes and it tears them apart. To reach nirvana in eternal meditation, to embrace my humanity but to also surpass it and move beyond, see beyond, be beyond what we have all succumbed to settle for.

I want to be alive in the fullest sense of the word, with only positive affect on those that interact with me and whom I interact with. To forgo and overcome the ego.  To recognize and be unconditionally proud of my impact on all life.

The more I long and want, the more I see it is the longing and wanting that I must avoid. The idea of desire is setting these dreams outside of myself, when they instead sit nestled inside of me like an innocent, coddled child.  There is nothing to obtain, there is nothing to gain, only being and being in this moment. There is nothing to look forward to, there is only now to embrace, only now to own up to.  Want is a simplistic human need, for to want is to cast another form of judgement on myself. Surpass the ego! Want no more and be that eternal prize of completeness, of oneness.

The mysteries of the universe will enthrall and defy me, move me, stop me, will fill me until I overflow and weep, until I am overcome with gasping, choking disbelief in it's beauty, in it's perfection. I love it with everything that I am, and it will forever consume all of me.