Monday, December 8, 2014

A Method for Change

To say "I'm only human" as justification for something that you shouldn't have done is like saying, "it's just a dog" when the dog chews up your favorite shoes. No, you train the dog to go against it's natural tendencies and you train it to be better. That's what you have to do for yourself. Train your thoughts and your actions to be only positive, to be pure, be genuine. Learn and apply your knowledge to better yourself constantly.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

An Exercise in Change

Exercise reason, compassion and commitment to the betterment of yourself. Ask your own self "why", not just those with whom you disagree. Practicing the art of enlightenment will arouse change to your firmly held beliefs as you stray from the solidarity of the stubborn, stagnated and stale way you "have always been". Take the time for the meditation of you and reverse the consequences on your soul that years of apathy have given you.

Monday, November 3, 2014


There comes a time when you take notice of the importance of recognizing your individual place and impact, a time when you change your perspective of wealth in the world.

You realize that if we stopped looking to our neighbour above to compare their wealth to ours, making us feel as though we have little and need to acquire more, then we could instead start looking to our neighbour below as a way to evaluate our wealth in the world and how much we really have. It is then that we will want for less and we will give back more.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

the great dying

I hear you now as you step,
You believe you are safe,
Because your numbers are large
And you're governed by hate.

You whisper false knowledge
In a fire you pray,
Believing faith is a justice,
All that will remain.

The great dying before you,
Monument to your taste,
But I'd come for you all
Just to count the remains.

You think you know power,
You think you know pain,
But you'll know better when I come
And sever your reign.

I travel on air,
I travel in sleep,
I will find you and haunt you until you are weak.

My soul it will guide me,
Beasts inside, they impart,
You won't even see me
When I rip you apart.

And the blood you have spilled,
Will cover your house,
I will curse you and damn you and exile you out.

I will tear down your walls,
I'll take all that you have,
All you've done will mean nothing,
All your sins will be matched.

Think there's strength in yourself,
You'll quickly know truth,
That if I were to cross you
You'd burn through and through.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

a certain respect

Recently I watched the film "22 Jump Street". I sometimes enjoy the quirky humour and can appreciate the silliness of these mindless scripts.  

There was a particular scene that truly caught my interest, and though it was intended to be a harmless scene in it's philosophy and something easily relatable and recognizable in our society, it also had a very underlying  and subtle important message without even meaning to.

In one part of the movie, we see a character getting praised and complimented on his tremendous "accomplishment" of having sex. Sex is seen as a prize, a reward and the bragging of it is the flashing of the trophy. We see a man in particular being at the forefront for congratulating him on his "conquest". 

Cut to another scene later in the movie, when we see the man that once did the congratulating discover the woman involved in the sexual act was in fact his daughter. Now this man's opinion on the matter is the complete opposite. He is angry, he is in disbelief, he is upset. 

It brought up an interesting point that I am sure was missed by most that saw it... That this woman only deserved respect in the instance where the man knew who she was.

Now, in the other instance, had this woman had been a complete stranger to the man still, his opinion would have remained that she was a conquest to fulfill and he is proud of the man for his accomplishment, regardless of the woman's opinion or how it affected her. That never even crossed his mind. He would have completely disregarded the fact that somewhere out there was another man who was the father to this girl, who lay awake at night hoping his daughter was being safe in school. There is another man out there who hopes that his daughter is respected and that if someone were to mistreat her, that other men would come to her defense.  There is another man out there who thinks and feels about this girl the exact way he feels about his own daughter, so who better to understand, right? 

Instead of someone hearing of another's "accomplishment" of sex and thinking, "I am glad that wasn't my child or my sibling or my friend" while at the same time high-fiving the person and making them feel that they earn respect and are rewarded by their fellow peers for these types of acts, people  should hear another's story and react to it as if they knew all involved personally. Ask more about the one they were involved with, what they did for a living, how the night went. Giving that person a face, a name, a personality will bring to light that this person was in fact, a person and not a disposable object and that it's okay to make your friend feel bad if they mistreated them and have no intention of following through. That it's okay to make your friend aware that they shouldn't be bragging about this person if they really liked them, and if they didn't, that it should not have progressed the way it did. If more people reacted that way to their friends, then there are a lot of men and women out there who could sleep comfortably knowing that people would "have their back" and could protect their children, siblings, and friends when they can't. Everyone would feel safer knowing that someone out there will come to their defense instead of knowing the harsh reality that they are most likely going to be taken advantage of someday, because our society has embedded into our heads that sex is seen as a higher necessity over healthy, deep relationships. 

Why is it, I wonder, that we have to know or emotionally care for another person in order to consider them worthy of respect and protect them from degradation? All people deserve to be seen as a whole and complete person, free from pre-judgment and free from degrading remarks. 

More people need to stand up and come to the defense of other people who are mistreated, and things like, "what if that was your sister?" or, "how would you feel if someone judged you that way?" eventually won't even need to be said. 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

a body

My body is a physical vessel, a vessel that society demands must be clothed, but only in clothing that society deems appropriate and acceptable.

Women must look classy in the streets, so that when men or women objectify them it’s not their fault. Otherwise, when men or women objectify them, it is because they are asking for it. It is because society says watching porn is normal, and that everybody does it… It is acceptable as long as you don’t bring that into real life. Don’t look like a porn star outside of the bedroom, because that is socially unacceptable.

But what happens when the man brings it outside of the bedroom and objectifies the woman, anyway? What happens when the woman takes those expectations and those labels she learned from private and intimate settings and labels another girl as a “slut” for wearing ripped stockings or a crop top? 

People are made to judge and categorize everything they see based on the relatable facts and information that they have. Men cannot control their sexual nature, as it is hard wired in their brain, and judge what they see sexually. They are forgiven and rules are made around them, rules they never broke because they weren’t put there in the first place for them. We are taught to be cautious of what we do and who is around us by placing labels on people. This is good in a sense, but the focus is always on the physical appearance, and instead of it being used to identify a potentially bad or dangerous person, it is used to identify someone you just wouldn’t choose to socialize with or someone you choose to look down on. 

If what I am wearing is making you uncomfortable, evaluate what your idea of sexuality is and why I am making you feel this way. What have you learned? That what makes you aroused and what satisfies you in the bedroom is what you keep inside of your head all day, everyday, and every time it comes up in your life, your sexuality is triggered or threatened. Suddenly, you can’t even see a woman wearing short sorts in a laundry mat because that’s how that one porn started, or you can’t see a woman getting drunk with her girl friend because you can’t help but get aroused by the thought of it. Porn and sexual exploitation are all about power and control, about the ego, superficial and archaic. Generally, a man wants a woman that will degrade herself for him because she wants to and she likes it, because it pleases him, she wants to give him that control. In the worst cases, men watch hardcore porn where the women don’t want it, and they watch it for the same reasons. In the “fantasy world” of porn, men can have any woman he wants and she will always give herself to him or learn to like what is happening no matter what she does. That is the typical male fantasy, that their dick is so majestic that no one could ever not want it, as if demeaning a woman by making her give herself away to him is the only way she can show her affection and care for that man.

So, most men go out into the world thinking that all women are fair game and he is somehow entitled to at least try or attempt a connection with any of them. They pick their targets and they do it based on the outside appearance, who triggers that sexual fantasy for them in their head. Women can’t just wear clothes that they like and be girls without giving someone an erection, and most girls are just trying to fit in to that standard and that norm of being acceptable. Here’s how it is: I wear the clothes that I like to wear. I wear the clothes that I am drawn to, that I think are beautiful, that I feel good in. I wear the clothes for myself and nobody else. I am not asking for your attention, for your comments, for your questions, for your judgements, or for your assumptions. I am wearing what pleases me, regardless of whether it pleases you or not. It is not an invitation for you to talk to me, or for you to even look at me. If you think I am wrong, or that I am somehow using this issue to cover up my insecurities and attention-seeking wardrobe, you are part of the problem. 

The truth is, society is constantly feeding these ideas to us, so how do we fix it? What we can do is change society’s definition of normal and healthy sexual behaviour. If porn is acceptable, men’s current behaviour will be understood and even expected. Porn is acceptable because it’s private and personal, yet porn is still something you actively participate in by watching and something that alters your brain chemistry. Patterns are learned, behaviours develop, triggers are made. It doesn’t remain in the bedroom. We need to start actively creating that separation and not carry it with us when we interact with the opposite (or same) sex. We need to actively think of other’s as beings separate from our needs, wants, definitions and expectations, and not place our standards upon them. No one owes another person an explanation or the right to be apart of their lives. No one owes another person the validation for why they do the things they do that might offend you, especially when their intention was never to offend. You are not entitled to any one else’s being.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

An aching

One time you saw me cry. You hate to see me cry, you said it was the worst thing you'd ever experienced, and how all you wanted to do was make it better and you hoped so badly you weren't the cause. 

One time you made me cry. You hate to see me cry, it hurt you and you pleaded forgiveness and begged my trust in your share of the pain. 

You're used to seeing me cry. Now, you almost expect it. It's losing its effect, your empathy, your remorse. 

You hate to see me cry.

Monday, June 2, 2014

A Confession

I have a confession to make.
For most of my life, I was unknowingly an advocate for rape culture. I was a misogynist. I thought women that weren't careful and gave it away for free were stupid and deserved shaming, taunting, to be degraded through sexual comments or exploited. I believed the watching and discussing of porn to be a healthy and fun lifestyle choice. I thought that openly commentating on an socially accepted form of "beauty" or "sexuality" by talking about a woman behind her back sexually with other men was okay. I thought that as a woman, I had a right to attract or hit on other women or treat them the way that other men would.

As a woman, I constantly disrespected other females because I felt a had a right to. This feeling of privilege and entitlement is the same issue as abuse from men, sexually, physically and mentally. By my admitting I acknowledged it being wrong for men to hit on me or comment about me sexually, yet me doing it other women, made me part of the problem.

It's time we all start coming to terms with this and realize that all people deserve some form of respect, and though respect shouldn't simply be handed out freely for being born a woman or a man or being alive, people deserve respect for their contributions to the universe, positive or negative. They are all part of the balance and the growth of humankind. Respect doesn't mean total agreement with everyone's choices and opinions, but it means accepting their right to have them and moving on with your own.

Friday, April 25, 2014

a consciousness

I am not a preacher. I will not push my beliefs onto you, or tell you that my way of life is better or that I have the answers you seek. There are many ways to attain answers, and only one way that will work for you and not any one else. No one can be wrong and no one can be right when it comes to self enlightenment or how we reach our epiphanies. I believe in anything that awakens a spirit and intrigues a mind.

There are things that I fear. Things that remind me of what is really important. Why do I fear them? What is it about the nourishment of my awareness that frightens me? Is it the depth, the further letting go of my humanity, fearing that embracing all as one will lose a part of me somehow?
Why do we fear what will enhance our being, what will benefit our growth? Why do we fear change, no matter how positive or enlightening?

Sometimes I feel I am not ready, perhaps not worthy, as though I have to give something up, something I feel is important to me.... Something I feel I have to be prepared to lose, that I don't feel ready to lose. My humanity.

What makes us human?

Why are we beings built for survival and logic, yet capable of conveying complex, contradictory, illogical emotions... Emotions that torment and torture the very beings we are meant to protect and let thrive - Ourselves. Why do we feel emotion, why is there that central area where most emotion is considered to be held - The heart, the soul. If our brains are the command center, and they know that anatomically and physically emotions are simply an affect of chemical reactions in the body, then how can it lead us to believe in anything else? How are we capable of abstract and contradictory thought, thoughts that break us down and question our very existence? How are able to think outside of ourselves and ask questions unanswerable in our current forms?

How can we elaborate this idea of a soul when we could never explain it?

Our soul, our consciousness... It has still yet to be explained, or identified or distinguished. We know it's there and we know it's what makes us human, but none can answer why.

What makes us human?

It is a question that has been asked by scientists, philosophers,  physicists or any one being with the capability of self-awareness. Though it cannot be answered generically, we all seem to be able to have some sort of ability to determine if something seems human to us when asked directly. That being said, because there is no current factual evidence or universal definitions, humanity is, as of now, a matter of opinion.

We deem what we feel seems human to us, and we all give human characteristics or make human connections to beings we've defined as animals, and also to inanimate things.  There is a starving for human connection there.
Most people break "human" down to empathy, conscious thought and self-awareness, and a mostly organic structure. If I slowly make the conscious decision to start replacing my organic parts with robotic ones, would I still be human in the end? Is there something else inside of us that, though cannot be re-created or duplicated, can also never be lost? That third eye, the soul that connects us to every living thing.

It cannot be explained or discovered because giving it those physical characteristics would make it something controllable, attainable or lost. It cannot be bound or unbound and it can never be severed.  Consciousness is eternal and it goes through all of us without a start or an end, and our soul is us tapping into that internal force, our personal connection to it.
Consciousness makes us care for each other, it provides the hunger for connection and dread of loneliness. It also makes us look out for ourselves and tells us what we need to do for ourselves in order to grow, it makes us selfish because in the end we would have had to have been in order to reach the state of wanting to be one with all... We can't contribute to that universal hum if we are broken or unaware. Consciousness makes us who we need to be to reach that universal goal: to make us all one. It binds us all in that timeless and infinite cycle.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

of oneness

Truly, the highest form of bliss is the nature of ignorance. It seems the more knowledge I acquire and wisdom I expel, the more aware and conscious I become, the more maddening it all seems. Some days fill me with such longing, to share, to expand, to grow... To settle the score with myself and ground and center, digging my roots deep into the ground and stretching my arms throughout the universe until I come full circle and consume the entire earth. To become one with everything, to fall into myself and extract all of my flaws, plucking and picking and throwing them all away, blowing them away for the wind to dispose of. It storms and it thrashes and it tears them apart. To reach nirvana in eternal meditation, to embrace my humanity but to also surpass it and move beyond, see beyond, be beyond what we have all succumbed to settle for.

I want to be alive in the fullest sense of the word, with only positive affect on those that interact with me and whom I interact with. To forgo and overcome the ego.  To recognize and be unconditionally proud of my impact on all life.

The more I long and want, the more I see it is the longing and wanting that I must avoid. The idea of desire is setting these dreams outside of myself, when they instead sit nestled inside of me like an innocent, coddled child.  There is nothing to obtain, there is nothing to gain, only being and being in this moment. There is nothing to look forward to, there is only now to embrace, only now to own up to.  Want is a simplistic human need, for to want is to cast another form of judgement on myself. Surpass the ego! Want no more and be that eternal prize of completeness, of oneness.

The mysteries of the universe will enthrall and defy me, move me, stop me, will fill me until I overflow and weep, until I am overcome with gasping, choking disbelief in it's beauty, in it's perfection. I love it with everything that I am, and it will forever consume all of me.