Wednesday, May 1, 2013

an individual unity

I briefly mentioned this idea in a previous note, but I wanted to go into further detail about the idea that humans are hard-wired to be selfish creatures, but for the overall goal of complete unity with all of mankind. The idea that we are selfish for selfless reasons seems ironic and contradictory, but allow me to explain my theory. I have said before that we are built to look out for number one with an "every man for himself" mentality, we are built with the survival instincts to be cautious of the rest of our species, wary and uncertain and skeptical of everyone we know. Questioning our faith and trust and love constantly, with more assurance and acceptance of negative things. We seemingly use and dispose of the people in our lives. Not everyone you cared for in your lifetime, friend or lover is still in your life, and not everyone who's cared for you still keeps you in theirs. Why is that? Are we a fickle, unreliable race to the point where we can never predict how we will perceive one thing over the span of a lifetime? An unavoidably fallible breed? Or is the answer much simpler?

I mentioned before that people come in and out of our lives as we need them. Either we see a lot less or more of them as time goes on, or an incident occurs that drastically and instantaneously switches the connection with that person, strengthening or severing. Is it all random based on the situation, or is there a sub-conscious affect,  a reasoning that happens below the surface. Since our brains are the control center of everything and quite literally entirely make us up as who we know or think we are, then is it not possible that they know things we do not? Is it not possible that if we were created for the sole purpose of acquiring and accumulating and retaining as much information as possible, and if that goal was the brain's primary objective, that it would control all outcomes to accomplish that goal? So, what if the brain sends out signals that attract certain people in your life that end up developing you further as a human in one way or another? I think we can all agree that every single interaction and every single moment with another person is an experience that alters or shapes even  single thought we have, and as in chaos theory, those initial and seemingly minute conditions can produce large and life-altering consequences or outcomes. If you actually think about every person you've ever known, there is one interaction with them that you can recall, and if you actually think about it, I am sure you will be able to source the significance of that interaction, what it did to alter you in any way, shape or form.

So, all of our interactions and all of our connections have made us this complete and functioning human. We are who we are today based on our experiences in life, and the build of our DNA and our brain, and nothing else. Our experiences with others are the most influential on our personalities, judgements, and perceptions and ideas of self and universe, and because of this, the brain knows who to let in our lives and why and for how long. It sends the signals to make the idea of the interaction appealing, to make the interaction occur, and when it is no longer necessary, to end the interaction.

Because this is all constantly happening to every person at all times, sometimes you are the product of another's development and sometimes you are the cause, and interactions will not always be jointly beneficial.

So, if we can agree that others are influential in our development, down to a science, then we can also agree that separatism is vital. If you were to constantly adhere to the needs of others and not your own, your own personal development would diminish, unless of course the adhering to another was in your personal benefit. The continuous reminder that there is no such thing as a selfless good deed. Even if you are the type of person, such as myself, that gains genuine happiness from assisting and putting other people first, it is the attainment of happiness and wholesomeness for yourself that keeps the selflessness recurring.

Thus, the importance of individuality and the ego center! I must look out for myself, just as you must look out for yourself, in order to be whole and complete, for only when you are whole and complete may you attain enlightenment and return to the universal energy where we are all one! Separateness is the most important factor in unity.

a completeness

So frail was her outline, that in her silhouette I see it tremble. I see it in the quiet cool of her power. A darkness of seduction, secret in a plain and descriptive light. She asked for whom the bell tolls, he said, "never mind."

She doesn't know what it is to be unwanted, undeclared, undesirable. So I must show her these things, must break her down to make her a whole and complete person. Worthy of every experience, of knowing every emotion. I must hurt her to heal her.

When I self destruct in a frenzy of self loathing it means an area of the mind is weakened, the lesson of the experience an over-stimulation to which my main defense is to shut down. It's a survival of the fittest mechanism built in. The weak die off... By their own hand. It does not inspire empathy. That's why bad things happen to good people, so anyone would even care. If you self destruct and get hurt, you've accomplished what you've set out to do. Congratulations.

"Don't I deserve to be happy? I don't deserve to be happy." You think everyone deserves to be happy, which means you deserve to be happy. Not because the believing of it makes you a "good person",  but because if you genuinely know that to be true, you know it can only be true if it includes yourself.

She asked for whom the bell tolls. 
He said, "never mind."


"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee."