Thursday, January 27, 2011

a fascination

Gorillas are getting smarter.

Here are three links of newer discoveries, two of which involve the same gorilla.

In one, there are photos captured for the first time of apes mating face to face, the male looking into the females eyes.

In the second, the same female wades into water, realizes it's getting deeper, and goes back with a stick to test the depth.

In the third, one ape actually learns/mimicks standing upright from watching people in a zoo. He also learns to walk on two legs. Amazing.  Are we seeing what human evolution from apes may have been like?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

a thought

What is life?
Life is a series of waits and wants.
Life is a struggle, a puzzle, a gift.
Life is.
More importantly, what is humanity?

We all see jaded, fuzzed. We are blurred, we are dirty.

To transcend the euphoric and exist in a dream. A zen like state of mind. Can dream become reality, and reality a dream? Can we ever learn to just be, without the being causing the breaking and the tearing and the destruction of ourselves?

Humanity is.

I'm split in two. Caught between the primal. The instinctual need. The sex, the cravings, the drives, the will. Caught between the calm, the blank calm. The almost emotionless sense of reasoning, of spirit, of justice.

Humanity is flawed.

Humanity is vain to have believed that, throughout evolution, we were the only creatures to focus on. As though we were the only ones evolving, always on top of the food chain. We always focus on ourselves.

Humanity is selfish. Strong enough to outlive, we ARE the main event!

So, have we always been at the top? Or has there always been something above us evolving? Something faster and stronger. And if so, imagine where these creatures are now, and how advanced they may be.

We care not to imagine the state of something we cannot comprehend. Something we cannot fathom the existence of.

For, as the man is insignificant in evolutionary terms to the ant, so may man be to an unknown.

The insect cares not for the human's state, as we care not to dream up the state of what may be. Something that, like the ant, we cannot comprehend.

This poses a different idea.

Humanity is always evolving, always moving forward. We don't fix issues from the past, we don't go back. We just invent something newer and better for the future. Always inventing, always evolving. Never going back. The progression of our technology and our understanding is so vast and incredible in comparison to the trends of the past.

Organisms adapt to their environments, but we change the environment and make it adapt to us.  Environments naturally try to expel organisms that disrupt their natural state. The environment starts to fight back, and what will happen with us then? We've survived this long on this Earth, but will there come a time when we are forced to make ourselves adapt to the new environment we are given? Like, for example, all trees being wiped out and humans learning to survive without oxygen. Or oxygen being artificially created until we can ween it off and our lungs develop in a new way. There have been studies done where a lactose intolerant organism is placed in an environment containing strictly lactose, and in a short amount of time, the organism is forced to adapt and able to ingest the lactose.

It gave me an idea. Imagine if humans were forced to evolve, and since things are moving quickly, evolve to the point of becoming separate creatures depending on the region they are from. If you look at humankind, it's all pretty basic. Sure we have different races and cultures, but we more or less eat the same, sleep the time, are made the same. When you look at the animal kingdom, you see variety. There are different species. Different branches of the tree of life. The diets, the ways of life, the looks themselves are completely diverse and distinct. So, what if humankind developed in a similar way? One human kind becomes multiple human kingdoms. We develop into different creatures depending on where we live. For example, people starving in Africa may learn to be able to live without clean water, and thrive off something like mud. People in California may wipe out all of their trees and be the first ones to attempt living without oxygen. Our bodies might change. As the structures of animals bodies are so vast, say like the snake or the cow with more than one stomach, couldn't humans bodies adapt to be different? We would turn into different creatures. Our bodies would contort and change shape depending on what we needed them to do. Obviously, like all evolution, this wouldn't happen overnight.

What if human and animal roles reversed? As we tried harder and harder to thrive in an environment, our primal instincts took over, and our right hemispheres in our brains diminished over time. And as we halt destruction of the earth, animals were able to surpass humans. Animals are now able to thrive and grow without the control and abuse of humankind. What if animals became the ones running the show? George Orwell may not have been far off.

An amusing thought.

Afterall, life is...
Humanity is...
Whatever we decide and whatever we have to make of it.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

an expression

I believe when you write, you transcend all the analytic processes of the left side of your brain and all of the things you are truly feeling come out. It's very fascinating.

I find people are more demure about sharing things they've written and I think that's why. It's very revealing, really very personal.

It's so interesting to me. I mean you have these feelings inside of you, these abstract concepts, and because of the selection and the order in which you place individual words and letters, you can make someone else feel what you are feeling.

Words are always all the same, but they have a million different meanings depending on what you do with them.

a science

In our society today, science is seen as separate from spiritual beliefs, morals, values, religion. We often don’t link these things to science – think of the nature versus nurture debate. Questions of life, of personality, of right and wrong, are usually seen as unanswerable by science, there’s a separation there. When really, everything we know about our world, including our personalities, is all our very own perception. Images and ideas perceived by my brain, translate to what I see the world as. Our own worlds are realized in and are all products of the brain.

Let’s take a look at the brain. We all know that the brain has two sides, a left side and a right side, that are almost completely separate from each other. The main thing joining these two sides together is the Corpus Callosum, a thick band of nerve fibres in the middle. Each side has a very different purpose, or job. The right side of the brain focuses on the present, right here, right now. Taking in every single thing, through all of our senses, and on the scale end of things, is the big picture. The left side takes that big picture, and breaks it down, picking out details and details, and relating them to our past, and brainstorming possibilities of our future based on this information. So, when I have an experience, it happens first in the right side of my brain, then makes its way to the left where my brain analyzes the situation and tells me how to react, how I should feel about reacting based on what I’ve learned before about similar situations.

We’ve all been caught in the religion versus science debate at some point in our lives. Which side would you chose? Are you spiritual, or are you factual? But in all reality, we all have the capability to have both sides and use them simultaneously to make moral and ethical decisions, because these things are interchangeable depending on our experiences. We may have been born into one religion and raised a certain way, but our lifestyles and the environment we’ve created for ourselves could shape an entirely new persona. Take Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, for example. She is a Harvard-trained and published neuroanatomist. She had a stroke, and most of her left side was non- functional. She described it as “being an infant in a woman’s body”. And what’s interesting is, as the right side of her brain took over, she began experiencing herself as energy. She couldn’t differentiate the atoms and molecules of her own body with that of her surroundings. All she could feel was the energy given off of everything. She said she felt complete oneness and peace with the world and everyone. Everyone was equal, and it changed her whole outlook on life. You could say she obtained new values, new beliefs. She’s balancing herself out between the analytical definitive left side of her brain, and the descriptive and creative right side. She became more aware of the real lack of equality in the world.

What do most people value? Freedom from concerns like greed, hate, ignorance, jealousy? Do people value the idea of peace, and the ending of suffering? Most would say yes.
Most would say they value the idea of equality, and then go out into the world and continue to buy new clothes so they can look the best out of their peers, compete for the best grades, spent all of their time and efforts to accomplish all of their hopes and dreams, and when someone tells them, “You know you can write letters and donate money to help make large impacts on other people’s lives?” They say, “Oh, I would if I had the money. I would if I had the time!”

So, people hear this, and they see the harm that some people cause. They see the wars that are being created, the child abuse, the starvation, and we can all collectively agree that these things are wrong. We decide if certain facts are wrong or right, but wrong and right is a matter of opinion, you can’t really put any fact behind that. Facts are facts, and there is no room for opinion. This is why we have experts in fields of topics relating to facts, and there aren’t any experts on moral values. We know science is a study of what’s measurable. But let’s take a look at that. Are values not a type of fact? Dr. Sam Harris, a neuroscientist said that values are “facts about the wellbeing of conscious creatures”, and “when we talk about human wellbeing, we are, of necessity, talking about the human brain.” We feel right and wrong for topics that relate to the suffering or hurting of a conscious being –whether it’s that we feel it’s wrong, like most of us in our society, or that it’s necessary, like those in a Taliban type society.  So, why do we know right and wrong and how can these values be changed if they’re so embedded in us? What makes us make these decisions and form opinions, and have such a hard time really living out our true values and beliefs on a day to day basis? We learn right from wrong based on our experiences, incidences and events that are taken in and perceived by our brains. Peers shape us, culture shapes us, our environment certainly shapes us. All of these factors have a direct effect on our brains. This is why things normal to other cultures seem barbaric or completely odd to us. The world around us and our values are all just a matter of opinion and perception based on the environment we live in.

I’m going to end this presentation with an idea. The idea that we can explore the possibility that all these seemingly impossible to answer questions do have answers, and we can open our minds to the fact that values and opinions and beliefs can be interchangeable, an understanding can be reached, and an equality can be obtained.

a minion

In an unweilding and unpertainable cognise of sorts, I give you my finest. The unique and unattainable hyperbolic attributes that sustain the underground drift through and flicker, like the sun on closed eyes. You are a symphony. I am an instrument. Always necessary, yet replaceable. Vital, but unappreciated. Under-rated. Not recognised, but made aware of. You see me, but you don't feel me. I move right through you with every drawing breath, and you've been holding yours too long.

a glass

It's as if there had been, all this time, a sort of chipped and dirtied piece of glass before my eyes. I could not tell the difference in the trasnparency until it had been lifted from my view. The clarity would be inevitable...had I not all along knew the glass was there. Still, I left it in it's place, and filtered the world's light. I was altered, I was shifted. I saw things differently. That's why you never understood me. That's why you never took the time. I have removed the glass, just as it seems you've fallen into a piece of your own. I am clarity. You are confusion. At all the times like this one, we look to someone else. You are your own uplifting. You are your own clarity. The glass is only your hands, your closed eyelids. We are made of glass.

a realization

An irrevocable hunger drove a force that night. A force unrecognizable by her young naive eyes, mind, and self. She self-pitied, like only she could. Her reprimand was short and subtle, but noticable, and it took her world by force. Her world...the ones that loved her. In the absence of it all, a thing or two, she learned. Contentment and exaltation did not come hand in hand for her momentarily, but that moment alone was worth her entire life. When it ended, as it did, the result was a euphoric great so intense it could not be taken for anything else. Certainly not a reality-based dismal high that dropped you after a spell of temporary satisfaction. Oh, but a spell it was, and more! Changing her every decision, choice, outlook, action, thought. It was from a new perspective, she saw the world from a different viewpoint. That of which was truly absolute.

The concrete immortality of this authentisity, the tangible universe she now arrived upon, was as elusive as any immense life changing. This new wordly veneration predisposed her to see herself in the same way. Loveable. Interchangeable. She was still herself, of course, for one does not go against oneself when they don't stick to their first natural thought. By changing them, you are recognizing your innerself, and thoughts, and better suiting them to grant you eternal satifsaction.

 Ah, to be a better person, and learning so merely from the usual stages, implications, complications, entertainments, oppugnations, and dispositions that come from life. With many others to thank, of course. It's like your guide to the handbook, the instructions for instructions.

a philosopher

and did you know
you really know?
you say you have a dream.
a touch, a reach, a secret wish,
too close, as one can seem.

you pull apart, made to connect,
you rush to set at start.
you tell me of your premonitions,
you tell me with your heart.

speak your words with utmost grace,
science, philosophy,
and how's and why's of human race,
questions of why we be.

you open up, so cultivated.
so wordly, and grandeur.
you sing a song only i hear,
the notes, they are so pure.

so sing, sing, sing to me.
and i will sing to you.
no question of it, anymore.
be still, we'll move right through.

a copulation, fornication

To paint it up, I'd leave out blue...
My arc-de-ciel, I'd make for you.
With yellow seams all shining through,
Your passion party rent's passed due,
And all your cheques have bounced again,
But I'll just move you in my den,
Where we'll make love, and art, and love,
To show me what you concieve of.
It starts real big, unwinding tall,
But we're built to carry the haul.
Fragments interlocking minds,
In tandem, we'll recite our finds.
A pull, a push, a poke, a tug,
You are my psychedelic drug.
We see in living technicolour,
Blinded to the mean and rigor.
It takes one match, spark up the world,
Ribbons of lovers come unfurled.
And you're my flame, a spark, a spark,
I carry in my lantern heart.

a mess

Sifting sands out through the danger,
Tempt me with your minor, major.
Challange right to escalate,
Forgetting to hesitate.
And tell me of a thing as pure,
Feel for me a note as sure.
Hypnotize labotomy,
Free your mind to listlessly.
Take and I'll follow in suit,
Lifted to a higher route.
More than all, but not enough,
testing just what I'm made of.
And sparkle sweet, and sip the hum,
The underestimating one.
Hold your tounge, all ways, back from
Elaborating my kingdom.
Interpretate, well, how can you?
My thoughts are not yours to pursue.
You think you know, you feel you must,
A tandem in a cosmic lust.
Never you mind, anticipate,
the longing of your real long wait.
Or given up, left at the scene,
Could not tell what you really mean.
To anyone, a spasm thrust,
Results in same results to us.
A jitter, jabber, jibberish,
The point I lost, the point I missed.

a development

As you grow, you learn.
You learn that everything around you has beauty.
The life, the death, the grateful, the tragic.
You learn how to look from a different perspective, and sometimes more than one.
You learn how to listen, with empathy and not sympathy.
You understand the vital importance of forgiving, and truly forgetting.
You realize that everything has a set place, a purpose, a desire. No matter what happens, even if you don't, the world will still go on.
And after a while you learn to be your own good catch, and not worry about the one that got away.

an idea

Today, I saw a young girl. She appeared calm on the outside. Controlled, collected. Not calm enough, however, to not bring up a "boy issue" she was currently facing. The issue wasn't an issue. The issue wasn't even a conundrum. The solution was simple. Yet she stressed, and worried, and pondered.

When does life sweep toward the difficult? When does life make that switch from the dramatic to the truly difficult. These questions cannot be answered universally, for the answer is different for us individually.

Recently, I had a conversation with a person I am very close to. She explained that everybody feels the same things, just in different perspectives. Different situations. We cannot compare them, and the reasons don't matter. The feelings are the same. You can't say your feeling or hurt was greater than another's, because it is impossible to put feelings into words. Words are abstract, feelings are the only things that are real. It is impossible to feel what another is feeling. We can think that we know, we can hope. We can feel that we know, but we can't ever really know.

On that note, can we ever truly know anything? How do I know my experiences are real? How do I know that everyone around me isn't just a projection of myself, of different parts of me. I see problems in others, because I recognize them in myself. I know what you're going through because I've been there...Isn't that always the way? We can't be empathetic to something we know nothing about. We can pretend to feel sympathy. We can pretend we are hurting right along with that person, but it is never to the extent of the other.

In the end, everybody is always looking out for number one. You have to feel right in order for you to see right in others. You have to be happy to recognize happiness in others. People trying to change the world, often times only end up changing themselves.

Are constants ever good? Anything sitting in one place for too long collects dust. Glass gets more blurry. Crisp becomes faded.

The world needs change. Not so much change, but growth. Everything in the universe is a cycle. It grows, it dies. It is absurd to believe that people should not change. It is absurd to believe that people should change according to your standards.

There will always be the issue of right and wrong. Good and evil. Black and white.

These definitions were decided by a man. We respectfully follow, for the simple fact of understanding. Contemplating a situation. We all universally know things and can follow a conversation because of it.

What if my definitions are different? What if I believe there is no such thing as right or wrong, and only a matter of opinion?

And if they are different, how did they arise when everyone around me is the same? Influenced by society? Why do I feel out of place with my entire environment, and surroundings.

Are certain people meant for more than others? One person doesn't deserve more than anyone else. No one has lived the life of a saint, and we never know the amount of fuck ups a person has in comparison to their acts of kindness. But we judge all the time.

I am always conflicted with the idea that.... our brains work a certain way. That's just how it is. When society and environment and populations come into play, they are controlled by the limitations of the brain. We can't control a functioning society any other way than we know how. And we know how because of how our brains work. Everything in this entire universe, everything in creation, everything we feel we know, everyone around us....Could all be in our heads. And if it's outside of us, we can't ever be sure of it at all. And if we are limited, and can still create and do so many things in society....What are our possibilities?

If everything we know is controlled by our minds....Because all perspective comes from the brain...
Can our possibilities...Can the universe truly be endless...when that idea is too much for us to wrap our minds around? How can there be more than what we are capable of knowing there to be if we can't ever know it, how do we know that there is? How can we imagine something that doesn't exist and believe it to be real?

We don't remember to fathom. We don't think we should imagine. We don't plan to believe.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

an annoyance

The problem is that I think too much. Yes, that's it... I think?
And the problem with that is that I think too much about things that could possibly happen, and don't spend nearly enough time contemplating the things that are going on around me.

I stitch together words uttered by others, and focus on the overall meaning....But then I think, did that conjunction word go here or did it go there, did that one word start the first sentence, or the second? Because it changes the entire mood, the entire message of what they were trying to say. And then I confuse myself. And then I forget what they said entirely, and I go from one extreme to the other. If I am feeling pessimistic, they meant it to be nothing, or even hurtful. If I am feeling doubtful and hopeful, I cling to the possibilities that lay in there, and try to pick apart and analyze the sentence. Maybe what they said is a reflection of how they feel subconsciously! Pitiful. Pathetic. I just forget the placement of the words!! The placement of the words is everything.

In the end, it's all a waste of time, because people either don't mean half of what they say, or half of what they say comes out entirely wrong and that wasn't their point at all.

In the end, verbal communication has become far more vital in suppressing the spread of the meaningless.

In the end, I shouldn't care so much as to what people say to me, or what I read people have said. I should focus on the overall intention, and the overall message. Clearly. If I don't get it, I ASK and get a straightforward answer. Then again, that would be the obvious thing to do. The simplest. The most blatant, bland, and blunt. Which is why I don't ever often do it....Usually.

a longing

I used to write, once upon a time. I had a journal. Of course, it was an online journal. Paper is so comforting. It holds things for you and doesn't let go until you erase them. The computer has a mind of it's own. Still, we chose to type instead of write. It's much quicker, less messy to get your thoughts down quickly. And for someone like me, the thoughts, they come racing out of me a mile a minute and my hand...My written word could never keep up. So, for now, it is the computer.

I used to write for me. Poems and songs and phrases. The choices of letters to form my choices of words, stitched together seamlessly but almost never perfectly, forming the phrases that I hoped to touch, to reach others. It's all just jumbled letters. Why is my choice of the mixing's so special? Yet time and again I would write for others to read, and no one read. So, then I'd write for me.

I used to zone out, or rather, I used to entrance myself with the art of creation. Painting, singing, writing. It was all for me, and my time. I don't like to edit, or fix. What I've made is what I've made, and sometimes I don't even like it. All the time I don't like it, but I love it because it is apart of me. I love it because to lose it would create a void.

Recently, I have found that life is a sort of constants. It used to be a series of consistency. The same issues, the same days, involving new beings. As you grow older, the changes become more vast. More elaborate. How can you handle them when you had nothing to draw upon from recent experiences other than that day your hamster died, or that time your week old boyfriend broke your heart.

My heart has been raked. My mind rung dry of creative juices. I was left a shell, a zombie, a shadow. The wounds, the heal, but their scars ache reminders. Memories of the times you want to forget stay etched, to remind you that you want to forget them.

Then, certain people come along. And some of those people don't come along, but they've been always there and it wasn't until now that you were ready for what they are supposed to mean to you.

Then, certain people you have to let go of. People that once meant a lot, but their meanings have shifted with your reasoning and you and they no longer fit. And sometimes, neither of you want this, but sometimes only one of you speaks up. And the connection is lost. Network failed. Server dropped.

Sometimes, when one person comes into your life, another has to leave. For the balance of things.

This used to mean everything to me, but then,

I used to make sense.